A Place for My Head
by Tero Ne
Summary: John is overly self conscious but has an awesome boyfriend who takes care of him.


It's less than a second after John turns off the bed room light to when the soft light on the nightstand flicks on. John bites his lip to hold back his sigh. He really wish Dave didn't do that. The side light isn't as harsh as the overhead light but he would still prefer the darkness. The only good thing is that he gets to see Dave spread out on top of the bed.

Dave looks amazing. He's all lean muscle. His tan looks healthy, looks like he goes outside more than the distance between the house and his car. He's gorgeous lying naked like that, all stretched out and relaxed. Reminds John of one of those wild cats at the zoo, especially as the light catches Dave's half lidded eyes watching him walk across the room. His tongue comes out to lick his lips and John's never felt more like a pig on the menu.

John hates how he feels tight in his own skin, in nearly every piece of clothing he owns except for a few triple XL hoodies that he hates when he sees the extra letters on the tags. He doesn't fit in his own skin and the white and red jagged lines on his thighs, hips, stomach, even his shoulders prove that. He hates how they look and wishes for darkness again. But even in the dark his pasty too pale skin feels to glow sickly. Where Dave can be perfectly naked as soon as he enters the apartment, and nearly is as soon as that door closes, John has to always be wearing a shirt for everything except to shower (where Dave likes to ambush him for some reason).

Even as he crosses the bedroom to where Dave is waiting for him, still looking at him like he's going to eat John. He even leans forward and reaches out towards John to pull him onto the bed. His hands immediately go to tugging off his boxers, leaving them on the floor as the springs in the mattress groan under John's weight. Dave's hands continue to flutter around John's waist at the bottom hem of his shirt.

"Feeling up to taking this off?" Dave asks. John shakes his head. "Alright, not this time."

Dave's hands skim up to John's shoulders to behind his neck. He pulls John down into a kiss. John always likes how Dave kisses. He thought Dave would be demanding in his kisses, take charge and dominate. But instead he's pliant and soft and inviting. John could kiss him for forever. And he pretty much did when they first started kissing. But he knows that Dave wants more than kisses which is why Dave is naked and John is half naked.

"How do you want to do it tonight?" Dave asks gently when he pulls away. John stares at his lips for a little bit and the nice blush across his cheeks. How come Dave's blush was so nice? John's just makes his face look like a tomato.

"Uh... the usual?"

"You sure? We could try something else? I mean still vanilla and all but I'd like to be able to see your face and kiss you and shit."

John knows his face is doing the tomato thing right now which is why he shakes his head negatively.

"Alright sweetheart. Assume the position!" he says cheesily. John swats his arm but he's grinning a little too. He rolls enough to let Dave slide out before he returns to all four. He lifts his hips a little and shivers under the light touch as Dave runs his fingers over the curve of his ass. Dave is always so gentle with him. He hears the familiar sound of Dave opening the lube and pouring it onto his fingers. There is a long pause as Dave makes sure it's warm before applying it to John.

John presses his face into the pillow to hide the embarrassing sounds that come out of him as Dave works him open. The first couple of times Dave did this for him he kept stopping to make sure he wasn't hurt. John nearly gave up one time before Dave finally got the picture that he was okay and wanted it and he just makes all of those stupid noises. Now Dave says stupid stuff like he wants to hear John instead of letting John muffle himself. And that's why John says that Dave just looks pretty and has nothing up in that empty head of his.

John can't say that now because his voice would crack like he's fifteen again because there are two fingers in his ass slowly stretching him out. He can barely hear Dave talking to him, telling him how good he is, how good he feels, how hot he look over the muffled whimpers but John can still hear him. He doesn't like how Dave lies to him about that stuff but he can't tell Dave to stop. He craves hearing those things from him.

"Okay, I think you're ready now, sweetie. You sure you don't want to lie on your back. I really want to kiss you. Like really, really. I want to look into your blue eyes and watch you as I make love to you."

John hates it when he uses that language. Why can't he just say fuck? Why does he have to be all sweet and tempting. John whines but doesn't say no.

"Please, John. Please?" He leans over John's back and kisses his shoulder lightly. He doesn't push or anything. He just asks nicely. What could it really hurt giving into Dave this one time? If Dave gets turned off by John's red, sweaty, terrible O-face then Dave only has himself to blame. John nods and slowly turns over on the bed.

When he looks up at Dave, he finds his boyfriend grinning widely down at him like he's just walked in on a grand surprise birthday party with all of his favorite friends there holding everything he had on his wishlist. Dave's only like that for a second before he is swooping down over John to kiss him silly, lots of little light pecks that make John giggle, fucking giggle, as Dave settles himself between his legs.

Dave finally lets up and pulls back just enough to stare into John's face. The look of utter love on his face is enough to make John instantly cover his. It's too much, it's already too much. John doesn't deserve this. He's not enough for Dave.

"No, no, oh John, please, I wanna see you." Dave leans down and kisses the back of his hands until finally John pulls them away. "There we go. I got you." Dave kisses his lips lightly once more before pulling away just enough to get their lower bodies lined up.

It's a familiar sensation, getting breached by Dave's hot cock, but something about this new position makes it so much different. John gets to watch as Dave bites his lip in concentration. He gets to watch the pleasure bloom and settle on Dave's face when he sinks in. He gets to see the love and tenderness that he's only felt before this. Suddenly his vision of Dave goes blurry.

"Oh don't cry, don't cry, John. It's okay. I can sto-"

"No!" John cuts him off. "No, it's okay." He tries to brush the tears out of his eyes. Isn't he supposed to be happy with Dave? He isn't supposed to be crying. Stupid, stupid, crying during sex.

"Just okay? We can go back to the other-"

"It's great. It's really great, Dave. I just- I just-" His breath hiccups as he looks for the words.

"Oh." Dave lets out a soft sigh of relief. "Oh those are good tears." He leans down and kisses the corner of John's eyes where the tears are leaking. "You know I will stop if it gets too much, but fuck, John, I love this. I love you." John just nods and tries to breathe. Stupid lungs won't even let him say it back. "I'm going to keep going now, okay." John nods again. He can do this, he can.

Dave starts with a soft gentle rhythm that John matches. It really does feel good this way. He finally gets why people call this making love. He lets out a soft sob at himself, why did he take this long to do this? Dave just keeps kissing away the tears and keeps rolling his hips against John. John feels so open and exposed, so vulnerable, but he knows Dave will take care of him. He knows that.

"D-Dave! Dave! Fuck, Dave! I love you!" he cries out through the tears and hitches in his breath.

"I love you too, John. Shit, you feel so good. I love you so much. Always love you. So handsome and gorgeous. I'm so happy to see you like this. Thank you, thank you."

He doesn't deserve Dave's thank yous. He doesn't deserve Dave's love and attention. He doesn't deserve it but like hell is he going to give it up. He holds on tight to Dave's shoulders. Dave gets the unspoken message and speeds up his thrusts a little bit more. John can't muffle the sounds in this position and he thinks he sounds hideous but Dave keeps murmuring about what great noises he makes, how great he feels, that he's close. John just nods in agreement before all sound is cut off by his orgasm crashing through him. Dave fucks him through it and just when it's about to be too much, his hips stutter as he comes as well.

They lay like that for a while, foreheads touching as they try to catch their breath enough to kiss. Dave smirks at him. "I like seeing you like this."

"What? No, no no no," John does his best to cover his face but Dave grabs his wrists.

"Yes. You're so handsome, John. You're so gorgeous."

"I'm not!" John whines feeling the ugly blush coming back. It's mixing with the redness from crying making it even worse.

"You are. I just wish I could show you how I see you. Just like how you helped me get through my lanky, acne riddled teen years of hellish puberty. Fuck, I was a mess. But you were right there helping me through."

"Yeah, and you came out with everything," John pouts. He's always been jealous about how Dave handled puberty so well.

"Yeah. I came out with you. And you are my everything."

"You are terrible."

"Terribly in love with you."

"Why?" He didn't mean to ask that. He didn't mean to let that slip out. Dave just smiles softly down at him.

"Because you are an asshole. You never let me be the aloof cool kid. You've been a pain in my ass and won't leave me alone. You make me laugh in public until milk comes out of my nose. You're funny and kind and cute and strong and amazing, John. Why wouldn't I love you?"

"You're stupid."

"A total airhead. And I think I forgot to mention that you are smart." Dave leans down and kisses him. "Smart enough to know that I love you."

"I hate you."

"That's okay. You still let me sleep with you. And speaking of that we should actually get to the sleeping part. Hang here and I'll get shit to clean you up." He kisses him once more before pulling away and sliding off the bed. John's just laying there feeling gross and sore. But he also feels loved. Stupid Dave. He makes sure to kiss him thoroughly before actually falling asleep in his arms.


End file.
